Usually my blog posts are purely pictures, but today I feel like doing a completely written one. My life has been insanely busy & I haven't taken that many pictures...I've just been feeling really uninspired lately. And I want to think of new ideas, something that people & I myself would want to see, but when I look around the world seems to be filled with nothing.
I envy other people, I loathe myself, I am unhappy with the way everything is, I am confused about what to do with my life, I've never had a boyfriend, my weekends are spent mostly at my house or work or with my parents, I get so much anxiety of talking to people (a great thing to have indeed...I mean the world is FILLED with people that I should talk to), I see interesting people but never talk to them because I'd rather them not know me at all than know me & not like me. This ladies & gentlemen is why I have gotten no where in life..even though I want to...tremendously.
Why is it that we never feel like we're good enough for anything? We're not good enough to get that job, we're not cool enough to pull off that outfit, we're not worthy enough to date that guy. Human beings...I swear we downplay ourselves so much. I never believe I' m good enough for anything so I never tried anything, but now I regret it all so much. I regret not getting to know so many people. I was afraid of opinions and faults and letting my flaws creep out. I was terrified of the consequences of tiny things like what what would happen if I made a "bad decision," not a life threatening one...but more of what kind of toppings should I get on my pizza. I will literally have a half hour debate with myself on what to eat. I don't know if anyone else does this, but when I order food in a restaurant or something I'll rack through my mind questions the waiter will ask me & what I'll say before they even come to take my order. The anxiety is out of hand.
I have general daily anxiety, I care way too much about what people think, & apparently I am suppose to know exactly what I want to do when I grow up because if I don't make the "right" decision (whatever that may be) it will be the end of the world. My mind is a jumble...a labyrinth I can't sort through. I keep telling myself I will put it all together, but I have no motivation to right now...no means of inspiration.
